I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Randomize
