I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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