girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
