Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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