i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's Friday. Sex?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
