I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
