Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
