I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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