She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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