things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
