It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
