That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
