getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
