i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
