I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
