i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
