About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
