Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
