True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
