WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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