I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
