I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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