That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
