i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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