i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
