I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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