Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the day after is always just damage control
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize