take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
