Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
