dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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