So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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