She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
