If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
