literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
