I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
