I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
