He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
