if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
