You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
