cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize