We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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