i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
