I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it was like eating out sand paper
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
