Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
