Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize