if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
