We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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