i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
