watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
