Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
