I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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