if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
