She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
