Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
