i would punch a child for taco bell
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it hurts more in the daytime
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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