you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's even glitter on my cock...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize