No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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