Only a mothe r could love this liver
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
