Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
