I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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