this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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