i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
