Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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