omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
