she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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