If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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