somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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