I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
