guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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